Having a supportive and encouraging partner is extremely important when you want to thrive at whatever you do. Many of us do not think that far when choosing a life partner early in life, but who you team up with for the long haul can have a major influence on where you are headed.
Here is a story of a couple who used their differences to help each other grow in their professional and personal journeys.
Stay-at-home-hubby
Our first major decision-point came when we were 6 months married. I got an opportunity at my work place to re-locate to the US for a new project. Without batting an eye-lid, we decided that I should go. He tried to look for onsite opportunities at his own workplace but there weren’t any at that time. So I travelled, without him.
2 months later, he left his high paying job and tailed me, on H4. That meant he could not work until he applied for his own visa and that got approved. Many feared that this was a wrong move. That equations would change. That we are putting our relationship in danger. A stay-at-home-hubby and a working-wife can rile up the ego. But nothing of that sort happened. In fact, he eased into that role much faster and easier than I could accept it 😉 So we spent 8 months like that before he got back to work.
A patient listener
Both of us working in the same field can be an asset. Without even trying, he teaches, by example, how to work smart and hard. How to negotiate. How celebrating our small wins build our self-worth. How to improvise. How to persevere. I learn by looking at him, how he operates( so differently than myself), as he navigates his own work life.
Most important of all, he is a patient listener. He sat down with me countless number of times, patiently, as I talked about how I felt stuck, what I wanted to do, my strengths and aspirations. He helped me get a direction. He provides difficult feedback, the harsh truths that I need to hear, yet always encouraging me to overcome my shortcomings.
Encouraging partner
As a most recent example, when I had to take a break from work for 4 months, he bought me a mac and handed it to me as a gift – so I can easily work on my personal blog and spend more time writing.
And when I mentioned my idea about shecanbemore, he believed in it and sat down with me till late nights (and sometimes without me ) setting up the infrastructure and security of the blog. He checks the data analytics report more often than me and beams with joy when the site shows up in organic searches.
Leader
They say leadership begins at home. I have always been fascinated with leadership principles and qualities, so this is a trait that I really truly admire. As a person who aspires for leadership positions at work, having a person like this guy at home is a constant reminder for me to how be better at work. The way he constantly thinks of improvement, the way he shows restraint rather than reaction, the way his only goal is to solve a problem and not lay blames, the way he is so calm and assured – they help me become a better leader at work and at home.
We complement each other
Our strengths and weaknesses are different. Many a times, his strengths are my shortcomings, and my strengths are his. Because of this, we both are in a position to lift each other up by asking for help without shame and taking steps to cover our gaps.
We help each other be better
We push each other to pursue growth. I pushed him to join toastmasters, he taught me new technologies, we solved data structures and algorithms together. We give feedback freely, both good and hard, but we are still learning to take it with a pinch of salt 😉 He goes to gym 4 days a week, and he got me a rowing machine so I can work out at home.
Every relationship is capable of growth
When it came to household partnership, we struggled a bit. Coming from a patriarchal background resulted in unequal responsibilities and physical burden. It took me sometime to understand that just having expectations without communicating about them doesn’t work 😉
A little shift in perspective also helped. We approach running a house like running an organization, and we are the team members. There are tasks that needed to get done on a daily basis to keep the house running, and we as its team members, made clear cut roles, and delegate things between us, so there is no confusion and unsaid expectations.
We are not perfect. We are not as progressive in these times as we would have liked. But as long as there is evolution at a pace both are comfortable, the journey is fulfilling. You can only be as fast as your slowest team member, right? 😉
Today, I feel happy to know that we are at a place where if an opportunity comes along that may threaten to disrupt the stability of our family, it will stand a chance of an objective discussion.
About the author
This is Sampada, and I have known this girl ever since she was born! Well, because she and I are same 😛 . Lame jokes apart, she works as an IT delivery lead, with a love-hate relationship with technology. She likes to challenge herself, has a love for words and life in general. Her goal is to live a life full of varied experiences.