How a researcher sacrificed family time to pursue her passion

Family support is one of the key things that a woman needs in the journey of chasing her career aspirations. It is not easy for her to get enough backing during the period of establishing her career, especially when things are not solid and future, less predictable. It gets even more complex for a mother. Here, I want share my experiences in the process of restarting my career after a two and a half year long break.

I didn’t want to give up without giving my best try!

– LB, researcher

I travelled to California with my husband after I got married, and in doing so, left behind some very good opportunities from where I was then living. I tried hard, but didn’t find suitable options in CA itself, and I didn’t want to give up without giving my best try! With huge support from my family, I took a challenging decision to relocate myself to any place on the map that can kick start my career. 

I owe a lot to an inspiring woman who supported me to begin this journey. She is my mother-in-law’s sister, a highly disciplined school Principal, who came on a holiday to visit us in US. With her big support, I could spend dedicated times in developing a research proposal. I submitted the research proposal and it was short-listed for interview. I could successfully clear the interview to get selected for a prestigious fellowship by European Research Commission. It was one of the remarkable triumphs in my life and I never felt so proud of myself.

My mother always believed in my abilities and wanted to see me as an independent woman. I know how much she struggled to see what I am today. I think I have a great influence of her strong determination and positive attitude in tackling the toughest situations of life that made me what I am today. She has been my best friend until I became a mother and now she is showing all her love and affection only to her granddaughter!! ☺

Spouse support

Being raised in a family where all the women are well-educated and working, no wonder that my husband is an amazing man who always supported me like a best friend. Career is not only about money. My earnings as a researcher may not be comparable to an IT professional. But it is all about pursuing what I loved, what I believed in and what I was until before marriage. Once it was my husband’s dream to be a researcher. He had to give this up to financially support his family after his masters. This is also one of the strongest reasons for him to back me. I am lucky to find such person as my life partner who completely understands and encourages my aspirations.

It was a tough decision and it didn’t come without its share of doubts and challenges. We were going to break apart as a family. My child in India, my husband in US, and me in Europe. My husband understood the urge in me to pursue my passion. We sat down and talked honestly about our options. We decided to set a timeframe of 2 years, after which I would be back and look for opportunities in the home base.

Tip : In my opinion, communication is the key. Talking openly and honestly can garner more long lasting support without any misunderstandings along the way. We need to do our research and present a bunch of plausible approaches and why we want to choose a particular solution.

Is it all worth it?

Strong family support… Is that all what a woman needs to pursue her career? What does this trade off by a woman to give away her family time to pursue her aspirations takes?

At times, I can’t even judge if it’s worth it to take away my time from my daughter to establish my career. It needs strong determination and mental strength to live far away from a lovable family. I had to leave my daughter with my mom in India. I moved from US to Europe all alone to work for a duration of two years. Until then, I was only surrounded by people applauding our contemporary decision and enriching us with positive motivation. But the world outside is not the same as we assume. At times, I had to hear ‘kind suggestions’ from few around on family responsibility and how what I am doing is not the right thing as a woman. I was very shocked and disturbed on encountering such discouraging perceptions from some well-qualified individuals. This made the game more challenging for me. I really can’t express how depressing such situations are. I got the strongest support from my husband in every possible way to deal such situations.

This made me feel more responsible and determined to prove that my family’s sacrifice and support isn’t going in vain.

-LB

This journey helped me in realizing that I shouldn’t step back from doing what I feel is the best for me and my family. To not be afraid of failure, because they are always a part of life. “If I believe in myself, there will come a day when others will have no choice but to believe with me”. Now, I am very excited to go back to my family after this journey which is going to end soon in few more months. This is going to be even more joyous as I know how much I missed it!! I am looking forward to see a better me and hopeful to find a good place to continue as a researcher while being close to my family!!

About the author

I have known LB since my school days. She lived in the apartment opposite to ours and she and I were the only almost-grown-ups in the gully cricket team of younger siblings and kindergarteners. .
What is remarkable about her is how she emerged strong under extraordinary circumstances and what she made out of the life given to her. She is a classic example of the sayings ‘tough times don’t last, tough people do’ . I am so so proud of her!