6 years ago, I remember sitting in a room, alone, with a slightly intimidating client manager. He was drawing some boxes on the white board and giving me the 20,000 foot overview of the upcoming multimillion dollar project I was going to be a part of. He did a poor job of explaining to someone who was new and barely new the big picture, but at that time, I only thought I was not smart enough to understand.
I was made the lead, with an 8 member team. We were one part of a large 40 member team.
I remember sitting in a room full of people, discussing a potential issue with serious urgency when suddenly everyone turned to me to ask what my opinion was. I was supposed to be the SME, the subject matter expert, but I had no idea what they were talking about. My face flushed, flashes of heat emanating from my face. I wished I could disappear, but put on a brave face and mumbled something on the lines of I will research and get back to you.
Fast forward couple of months, I was running on full steam. From a demure, under-confident girl, I evolved into somebody who knew what she was doing. I became more comfortable in my role. Soon we were juggling parallel milestones, designing new systems, clarifying requirements, raising issues, creating solutions, creating tons of documentation, and I also had a family health challenge to deal with. I was working from 6:30 am to 8:30 PM every weekday! Our team became the heart of the project, and I, the go-to person for any question on the current process.
I did things I never did before. I did things I never thought I could. I pulled through.
Then came the appraisal period.
I thought I deserved the highest rating. And I vainly assumed management thought so too. Because they clearly saw what was going on.
But when I looked at my evaluation, tears welled up in my eyes. In one single moment, everything I thought I was, crumbled into thin powder. I had believed, the first time in 5 years of my career then, that I exceeded expectations. But apparently not enough.
Normally I would have let it go, but this time I mustered enough courage to talk to my manager. And even as my voice shook, I expressed my disagreement with his assessment and shared what it took from my side to be able to do what I did.
Although it didn’t change my rating for that year, something changed in me. I found my voice. And the next time around, my voice didn’t shake.
SR – upping my game. A little slowly, but surely!
So the gist here is just because you think you deserve it, you may not get it. You will have to negotiate it, fight for it. SPEAK UP for yourself. Otherwise, you are just a name on the spreadsheet.